Weekend of No’s and NSV’s

This weekend has been a glorious, relaxing, no pressure weekend. After the last few months, I really needed to just not. No schedule, no big projects, no one in the house but the wife and I. I have spent part of this weekend in my bed, reading and cuddling with our foster kitten.

This morning we got up and made our way to Kroger to do some grocery shopping. I am a BIG time Kroger App user- if you are not and you shop at any of their brands, you are missing some pretty amazing coupons. We use their Simple Truth line A LOT- to day with my coupons from their app I saved $28.00 on stuff I was already going to buy- even the cashier was impressed!! Next week I’ll do my big Vitacost (also a Kroger Brand) for staples. I am not a couponer- I am too lazy and have no need for all that P&G crap, but I love to save. If you can’t tell, I really love grocery shopping.

When I last left you I said I was going to publish my list of NSV’s (Non-Scale Victory) that I am looking forward to achieving. Personally, envisioning NSV’s ahead of achieving them give me a more complex view at my goals- more than the numbers on the scale on any given day. While I am still undecided on when and how often I will weigh myself, I know these NSV’s will keep me motivated.

I am extremely visual and like to create – so these NSV’s will either become a vision board or some type of typography project in the future. I will be sure to share with you any awesomeness that comes to be.

Travel:

  1. Using the tray table on an airplane
  2. Travelling without a seat belt extender / giving my extender away
  3. Not fearing the “Passengers of Size” Policy on any airline
  4. Not wanting to keel over when my gate or transfer is forever away
  5. No fear of Public Transit seats
  6. Losing that desire to want to fold myself as small as possible for some strangers comfort
  7. Smaller clothes = smaller luggage = cheaper flights

 

Clothing

  1. Buying in-season clothes at a reasonable price- F! U! over priced plus sized clothes.
  2. Walking into a non-plus size store and not having the clerk follow me around thinking I’m going to shop lift their size 4’s under my belly roll
  3. Selling all of my plus size clothes- seriously someone on poshmark is going to love my closet.
  4. Feeling good in LOTS of different clothes- I do my best to always hold my head high and dress in a manner that makes me feel good, but I also feel limited to the staples that I know I look ok in.
  5. I’m for serious going on a spree- I am setting aside $5 a week and I hit my maintaining figure I’m blowing that money on CLOTHES.

Physical

  1. Stairs- I will one day climb a flight of stairs and not worry that the person(s) with me think I’m going to die.
  2. On the back of the stairs- Knees… I know there is going to come a day when they will be like “Thanks for taking that extra ### pounds of pressure off us!”
  3. Back pain- Ok so it may never go away cause auto accidents and frankly I’m getting kinda old- but one day I won’t feel as rough as I do now with all this extra weight.
  4. Dancing without the rolls
  5. A profile that more of a P than a D
  6. Passing EVERY thing on my health screening with a green- no damn yellows or reds.

Relationships/Family

  1. Not being that fat sister
  2. My nieces and nephews getting to see me kick butt and take names
  3. Being able to Kayak with my wife
  4. A longer life with wife

I’m 200% sure that there will be a million little things that come from losing this weight. There will be things that will be awesome, unexpected NSV’s that I can’t even envision right now. I’ve been living this life for so long, that I’ve found myself giving advise to many on how to survive travel, clothes, physical, and emotional challenges of being so damn obese.

I’m setting intention, claiming it as my own and letting the universe know that one day in the very near future, I will no longer be the Big Girl Expert- my #1 NSV will be becoming a fab, fit inspiration to who ever will hear me

xoxox- E

OG Fat Kids, Self Sabotage, and Setting Intentions

Just two nights ago I had an in depth conversation with my Best Friend, whom I will call S. Our conversations centered around her pre-operative path to Gastric Sleeve surgery this fall- and self sabotage.

While we may be on different paths our eternal ability to empathize with each other’s journeys has never faultered.

A little back story on my very best friend and I- we have been best friends for almost 23 years-BFFAA (best friends forever and always) since the sixth grade. Our bonding came from the chance meeting in an alphabetical line up in gym class, our mutual assignment to the gifted program- and our weight.

We are OG fat kids- a struggle that has always been a commonality, all be it not a welcomed one.  We have have through the years been able to share with each other the pains and heartache that comes from struggling with our weight and overall health.

When you’re 11 and on a diet, you see your siblings, friends, and other peers living a life where running isn’t an anxiety inducing activity and their lunches not packed with Snackwell  “diet” cookies. S and I have had one another to understand what it felt like to fear a swim suit, bullying, the special stores, and all the other terrible experiences of childhood obesity.

Now that that we’ve navigated through so many years with these struggles she has set her intentions on surgery to aid in finally losing the weight. I wholeheartedly support her In this venture- and I am still able to empathize with the portion that the surgery cannot cure- self sabotage and food addiction.

Anyone who has watched any program about weight loss surgery knows that part of the program is pre-operative support groups and individual therapy. These are utilized to ensure the participant is not just onboard for a “quick fix” but also getting in touch with the root cause of their obesity and to ensure they are aware of the MASSIVE lifestyle change they are taking on.

While in one of these groups, the “success story leader” presenting went in depth on how food no longer matters to the point of needing an alarm to remind her to eat. While this seems like great news in theory- to someone who enjoys food, to someone whom is addicted to food- this is a frightening thought.

S confided that this threw her into a self sabotage mode- inducing a immense craving for all the unhealthy foods that will not be a part of her plan moving forward. So strong that she faultered.

Our friendship is not based on “it’s okay” or “don’t worry about it”. We are the  strength each other needs when the other has none. We are the pick you up, dust you off, swift kick in the pants kind of friends. We are the ying to each other’s yang.

In supporting her, I was reminded of my own view on food addiction, self sabotage, and recovery- my words below:

“A little self sabotage is normal when you’re making a major life change. Think about a drug addict on the day before they decide to finally go to rehab- food is an addiction, you just happen to have to have it to live.

You are taking a step similar to the heroin addict that takes the prescription medication that makes them sick if the shoot up.

Reprogramming your brain to view food as utilitarian instead of love and comfort is going to take time and will be like going to AA.

They talk about how some people who have the surgery trying to find a Surrogate addiction- something to replace the gratification and high of food.

Instead of finding a new addiction, how about creating a NSV (Non-Scale Victory) List?”

Setting intentions instead of falling into a new, and possibly unhealthy addiction can be very helpful in any situation involving addiction. This is the purpose of imagining NSV’s. The numbers on the scales can cause disordered thoughts, mimicking the high of gambling. Lose just one more pound get a high, gain a pond hit a low. While losing weight is great- we are doing this for more than that number.

Through this discussion with my Best, I realized it’s more than time for me to set my own intentions. To take my own advice.

This post is already super long- so our next post will be my list of NSVs that I look forward to achieving, and some fun ideas for you create and display your own.

XOXO – E

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Beginning

Hi… Welcome to the beginning of our journey… Sorta.

I say sorta, because this is very much the beginning. We have no solid plan, other than this has to happen. This has to be different than the times before. It has to be it.

Let me introduce myself, and my wife whom I will refer to as, R.

My name is Erin. I am a 33 year old Accounting supervisor living and loving in the South. I also happen to be 337 pounds at only 5′ 7″. More on my goals and story later.

My wife R is a 39 years old and also living under the florescent lights of the cubicle jungle. After the majority of her life as an average sized woman, the last several years have brought her to 210 pounds on a 5′ 4″ frame.

We are here to share our journey. To find community. To possibly inspire others with our success.